Quick Christmas update

I still hate this holiday, but it's not going as badly as I thought.
I got to my aunt Maureen's pretty late last night, because I had to work at Barnes and Noble. So I get there and everyone is just finishing up eating. I go to grab some leftovers, ask what kind of meat it is, and my aunt Maureen looks at me all sad and says: "Pork" She felt really bad. I don't eat pork for any other reason that it is completely disgusting. She knew I was going to be late, so took this opportunity to make something I would not eat. Totally fine, but it is of note because at least she acknowledged it.
So we go to do the presents. This year we decided to do a grab, because presents are stupid and annoying. My aunt Denise hands me the present she got for me, and I open it and almost started laughing. It's the same present I got last year from her. Coupons to get my car washed. I cannot think of a more impersonal gift. Well, except for the 20 dollar bill I used to get. Whatever, presents are stupid and that just proved my point. The thing that really got me, was when I opened a gift from a friend of the family and everything was chocolate. Everyone I know, knows I am allergic to chocolate. This friend of the family does not, and at this point I'm not telling him. But him buying me chocolate, is not really the issue. The issue is my aunt Denise said to me, "You're allergic to chocolate?" Um yes and I have been for 27 years. I just looked at her, dumbfounded. This bothered me A LOT. So I just started drinking and making fun of everyone. This was a great plan because they were all laughing at not realizing I was being serious.
Everyone left and I stayed behind to talk to my aunt Maureen, and she started going off on a tirade about Denise and that side of the family. I guess a few things were said before I got there and my she was pretty mad about it. Whatever, at this point I do not care.
I went to Ralph's and met up with friends. I actually got presents from a bunch of people, and they were all perfect. I wasn't expecting this at all. I tell people every year not to expect a gift from me, but they buy anyway. I guess it makes them happy and they don't seem to care that they get nothing in return from me.

So the moral of this story is that the family you choose will always save the day, and the family you were given need to be smacked around. Excellent moral.