Wow

Today I saw my therapist again. We had a brief discussion about my health insurance, and the diagnosis she gave them. Luckily the diagnosis she gave basically means I don't pay anything for visits but WOW what a freakin diagnosis. I don't remember the exact terminology, but I think she said Major Depressive Disorder. She said I am in 'remission' and don't have many signs of it now, but I did as recently as July. She laid out what it means and while I agree, it still shocked me. I thought I'd come farther than drastic diagnosis. I'd like to take what she says with a grain of salt, but I don't think it will help me much. I read a few psych sites to find out more about it and most of it fits:

http://www.depression-help-resource.com/types-of-depression.htm
http://www.allaboutdepression.com/dia_03.html
http://www.psychologyinfo.com/depression/depression_types.html

They make it sound so scary on the internet. Now we are doing what it takes to make sure the depression doesn't come back. I'm learning how to deal with my emotions which I haven't really done in my life ever. I think its good that I'm not drinking like I used to because I'd be cheating therapy. Its weird when she asks me how I feel when certain things happen and I say: "I don't know". Its weird to say out loud that I'm very out of touch with my emotions. Its getting better, and she is definitely helping. I felt a hurricane of emotions when I reflected on the session. I sort of feel like I got punched in the heart today, I won't lie.

I also just ran out of things to say. Blogfail